Prologue

Back before 1983, lots of things were cooler than your mom. I for one can't remember any of them, because well... I wasn't born before them. However, thanks to the magic of Google (and TV), I have come up with the following things that, perhaps, might have been cooler than your mom prior to the year of my birth (1983 for the slow folk):

1. Rambo: First Blood
2. Pez
3. James Taylor
4. Rotary Dials
5. Original Star Wars
6. Some kid born in 1982
7. and other things that I cannot think of at this moment in time

However, since then, I have been the self proclaimed definition of all things cooler than your mom. I've been known to go on ninja raids, bite labradors and beagles, become boxing champion of Best Buy (who by the way do not have the best stuff), and sometimes... sometimes, charm women. If that's not cool. Then I don't know what is.

Really. I don't.

**In all seriousness. The other day I read a book entitled "EEEEE EEE EEEE," by Tao Lin, and felt completely liberated. It was almost as liberating as the first time I took a shit at work: those of you that work in an office know what I'm talking about, taking a dump at work is quite possibly the greatest feeling ever: joy. Tao Lin's book showed me that fiction, and writing, did not need to be confined to any sort of grammar school structure/etiquette that we once learned. The sentences don't even need to relate to one another. Nothing needs to make any sort of logical sense! His writing is weird, easy to read, somewhat emo... but I loved it. His thoughts were all over the place, and at times made absolutely no sense, but as I read and read, I couldn't help but think, "If I wrote a book... it would be exactly like this..."

That is why I created this blog.

As a child I had all these ideas, and all these stories. As an adult I have all these experiences, and all these lies. So now... I'm trying to combine the two. Maybe I'll turn out something great. Maybe it'll be a piece of shit. Who knows?

Just know that I don't have an ever expanding vocabularly. And I cleerly don't have an editor. I just want to write... about me, my life, and anything else that I can possibly fabricate.