Attack me if you dare, I will crush you!

There is no Konami (Contra) code for life. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left right, b, a - does not yield me any extra men - or women for that matter. Perhaps I'm a cat though w/ nine already assigned to me. On second thought, I'd rather not be a pussy. So scratch that.

There is no ten digit password for me to enter so that I may continue my bout with destiny. I'll have to beat it on one try. However, there is a password for Mike Tyson, but the blow trick does not seem to be working today. I'm better off. I can't beat him anyways.

There is no Frog Suit for me to leap over obstacles, or even swim for that matter. I'm destined to sink. Seriously. I can't swim.

Perhaps I'm better off learning my life lessons from the Bible, or Scientology. I dont know though. I've never seen Jesus put on a Tanooki Suit, or fire a spread gun [*note to self: write about alternative Jesuses (Jesi?): ninja Jesus, predator Jesus, to catch a predator Jesus, etc]. Tom Cruise probably has though, I'm not sure. I haven't seen all the Mission Impossibles.

On second thought...