Don't feel like finishing this.

I have tried over and over again to express my thoughts on my mom's imminent passing.
And.
I can't.

I don't know how.
Eloquently.

At first, I get angry.
Then secondly, I get angry.
The after that, I get angry some more.
Three times the angry.
Perhaps more.

Watching a loved one die, is a lot different than having a loved one die instantly.
It's frustrating.
[John] Maddening.

The other day I came up with what I thought would be a good solution for all this anger.
I'm going to start smoking.
And I'm going to get lung cancer. Just like my mom.
And then I'm going to only take the harshest form of chemo.
And I'm going to beat them both.
And then I will laugh.
And I will stand triumphant.

Because that is what I do.

I laugh.
And I stand triumphant.

However... I was told that, that may be a bit too morbid. "Not a good idea." "Awful."
So... I guess I'll try something else.

I'm out of ideas.

I guess the Social Worker recognized my predicament, or she was just doing her job, and gave me a book on the stages of "Grief." Surprisingly, "good" was not listed.

Alas, I am no Charlie Brown.